Lord Thomas Howard had always been good at hiding how he felt, a long life and a lengthy education within the noble houses elite had taught him to shelter himself in a way which left most people to believe him a cold man. When his wife died he felt relief, when his daughter married he felt no regret at losing her to another man, but when that same daughter came to tell him that she had been assaulted and robbed of the supplies she was taking from Divinity's Reach and to the Summit outside of Ebonhawke, by separatists no less, he was furious. Not because the girl had been in danger, that was part of her duty as Steward of The Crystal Shield and was to be expected if she went with her caravans. But that she had let it happen, that she hadn't used her husband's knowledge of the area and planned better, brought more guards, this fact left him furious with his admittedly guilty daughter.
”...You lost... how much?!” His voice raised, that alone was a rare thing Gracelin knew and she lowered her head in shame of her failure. She hadn't told anyone of this yet and naturally her father would be the first she'd turn to, then later perhaps her husband, though she feared disappointing him as well, even more so than her father.
”I lost all the supplies as well as the pack bulls going from Ebonhawke to the Summit camp, forgive me father” She spoke again, her head lowered, but her voice still raised enough for him to be able to hear her clearly. ”I've failed the Shield and I am sorry for it, I should have prepared better before we-- Before I left the city” Lord Howard snorted and shook his head, looking at her. ”And the guards? Why didn't they fight back?! The Gods know I pay them enough.” Gracelin lifted her head, the blue gaze seeking her father's face as she did ”I told them to stand down and lower their weapons, there were at least twenty of the others and my guards would have been killed if I hadn't---” Her father cut her off, struggling to keep a somewhat proper tone with his daughter ”You did what?! It's their job to fight, to protect the caravan, to die if they have to! What were you thinking girl!”
Gracelin lowered her head again, another mistake pointed out to her. Of course she knew that soldier's and guard's duties were to fight and sometimes die, had they not just been doing that in Lord Madusan's campaign and hadn't she just then been guilty of supplies going astray from where they were meant to go? She still had a lot to learn and very little time to do so. Lost in her own thoughts her father carried on with his lecture, now and again glaring at the girl he had half expected to be perfect from the very start, half expected to be able to do as well as a boy. She was intelligent, but had no knowledge of the world and so she was bound to make mistakes, but there was so little time to learn.
After two hours of lectures, concluded with a calming cup of tea with her old governess Mrs Thomas in the living room, Gracelin made her way back home, knowing that she would have to tell her husband of her failure and eventually also Lord Madusan. Next time, she knew to ask them for help in her preparations. She thought of her father's words of the guards who were paid to die if need be and an image of Lord M's guardsmen appeared before her inner eye. The Guard standing behind her in her talk with the Raven Commander Yaesir, the Guard escorting her through the city and standing watch outside the estates while those inside forgot they were even there and had not these same men escorted her to her wedding and shielded her against the looks of those who were against the union, the way the marriage had come to be and brought her safely to her husband. Hearing their voices in her mind, as they with friendly banter made their way to the taverns or to meet with friends and families, loved ones and problems of their own having nothing to do with the noble families they otherwise did everything for. She smiled to herself as the image of Guardsman Wex appeared, how he had awkwardly served for them, visiting Lord M, the few conversations with a man whom, in her father's eyes, was so far below her yet she felt that had they been the same, perhaps they could have been real friends.
By the time she arrived home, Gracelin knew what had to be done. The Shield had once been a Guild fighting the Charr to re-take Ascalon, and failed. For years they had been in Kryta, fighting for their place there and the new enemies. Now, once again formed, they were meant again to fight the enemies of Tyria. But with the Three Orders, the Lionguard, Seraph, Fallen Angels and Ebon Vanguard, was there really a need for another order, guild or military unit or could they perhaps do something entirely different for the world, a different kind of support? The answer was easy enough and yes, The Crystal Shield would still support, still Shield Tyria and those who lived in it.
Gracelin sat down by her desk in the wonderful study her husband had made for her and began to write down her thoughts as so many times before. It was indeed time for a change.
I have never felt in as poorly a state of mind as I do today. Not only have I let down the Shield and those who depended on me for supplies, I have also had to face my own inadequacies and it has been a hard lesson to accept. But here I am, promising myself that I will never make such a dire mistake again. I will learn from this and walk away stronger. Turn a page in my life.
Not only that, this is the last page of this book and when I start a new one, it will be to put down the changes I want to make on paper for the future to see that it is possible.
Goodnight and farewell Gracelin Dunn, nativity and thoughtlessness will not again be your companion.
Lady Gracelin Dunn of Ebonhawke and Divinity's Reach sat by her desk as another long day drew to an end, next to her on the table lay a closed and older looking book, bound in dark leather and with the simple Journal burnt into the front. A brand new book, still on its first pages lay in front of her, slowly filling with the fine handwriting of a well educated lady, always under pressure to do her best without rushing her actions.
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